As I mentioned in this post, I spent the last month reading through the book of Acts, and learning about spiritual gifts... specifically the gifts of prophecy, healing, and speaking in tongues (because those are the gifts that are most on my heart at this point).
This has been an interesting journey for me. I believe that the supernatural gifts are still alive, active, and available today. I have a lot of head knowledge about these gifts... lots of verses I've read, sermons I've listened to, and people I know who know someone else who experienced these things. But I don't have much heart knowledge of these gifts. My experience with experiencing the power of God in supernatural ways is limited. And although I believe in all of these things in my head, I have a hard time leaving room for the supernatural in my life... leaving room for God to perform miracles... expecting God to perform miracles... asking for God to perform the miraculous... or performing the miraculous myself through the powder of the Holy Spirit.
In some recent conversations with Jeremy, I was quoting verse after verse to explain that these gifts shouldn't be used in certain contexts... I was trying to put rules and parameters around the gifts... around the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit... as if God could fit nicely in my own little box. That's when Jeremy told me (in a loving way) that I was acting like a spiritual gifts legalist... Ouch! The truth hurts, but I believe this truth was from the Lord, and that Jeremy was just a vessel in getting it to me.
My personality is definitely prone to finding and following rules. To wanting black and white. To knowing what is and isn't permissible. But as I learn time and time again, God isn't about rules. My walk with Him isn't a check-list. It's about a relationship. It's about seeking Him in all that I do and waiting upon His voice, His promptings. It's not about the law, it's about love.
Romans 13:8-10 Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law. For the commandments say, “You must not commit adultery. You must not murder. You must not steal. You must not covet.” These—and other such commandments—are summed up in this one commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law.
And now God is helping me to let go of seeking rules and laws, but instead to seek Him. His voice. His Spirit. His power.
And I'm pondering... pondering that Jesus was not known by what He was against, by His rules and laws, but He was known by what He was for... for loving sinners, for healing and performing miracles, for breaking the rules and healing on the Sabbath. He was about love. About loving others and manifesting His power, despite the rules.
I'm still struggling with skepticism and doubt. I still have questions. But I know the one who is the Truth, and He is here with me every step of the way.