I've been feeling a little discouraged this week. Since by this point in my last pregnancy I was starting to feel better, I was really hoping to be going in that direction by now. Not to mention, this pregnancy has also been a lot harder than my last one, because I have been more sick. I have been throwing up pretty regularly this time around and have felt pretty bad most of the time for the last 4 weeks. This has affected every area of my life. By the time Jeremy gets home in the evening (and after I've been watching other people's kids all day) I'm usually worn out, and feeling awful. So I have done a very poor job of emotionally connecting with my hubby the last few weeks, and asking him deep questions, listening, and encouraging him. I've mostly just laid on the couch, trying not to throw up, and doing the bare minimal cooking and housework I can get by with. Same thing with my friends and community group. And the Lord. I feel like I've had nausea in every of my life for the past several weeks... physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have felt so bad that I haven't been able to do the things that I enjoy, that make me feel like me, that fill me up (like cooking, exercising, hanging out with friends, crafting...). I am beyond thankful for the grace of the Lord, and my husband, and my friends during a season where I haven't been much fun to be around, haven't been myself, and haven't been very encouraging.
One other praise on all of this is that our "Desperate Women of the Bible" study was such a rock, encouragement, and refreshment for me during this time. If it had been up to me each Friday morning I would have rather cancelled, and not seen anyone, not had people in my house, and not led a study, I just wanted to lay on the couch and not do anything, but it was really good for me to see ladies each Friday, to invite the presence of the Lord together, to encourage and be encouraged, and not spend my morning feeling sorry for myself. So each week, if for only 2 hours on Friday mornings I felt like myself again, and was able to take my eyes off of my circumstances and put them onto the Lord and His Kingdom. And as a result, the rest of my Fridays were always much better than the rest of the week. I'm so sad that this week concludes our study, and that I will not be seeing these ladies each Friday morning going forward. But I am so grateful for the season we had together, and our last day was such a blessing... we went around the room and prophesied, encouraged, and spoke truth over each other and it was SO great and encouraging!
Also, I'm assuming that most of you have seen that Jeremy has resigned from his job effective 1/1/13. We are in the process of acquiring non-profit status for our ministry. This involves a lot of paperwork, details, legal terms, etc. It hasn't been easy every step, but God has provided exactly what we need at each step, and things are falling into place. We are also in the process for raising our support for next year. Again, it's crazy that we have no idea where it will come from or how much our income will be as of January, but it has been really cool to see how God was stirring the hearts of His people to give to us even before we had ever sent a single support letter or asked anyone for money. It has been a great reminder that He really is in control, and how futile my plans and efforts really are.
praising: some of the details that have been coming together for Bastion Ministries. feeling like we are finally moving forward. seeing God starting to build our monthly support team. grace in relationships with the Lord, my husband, family, and friends while I have not been myself or very encouraging for the last month.
praying: to feel better. to feel like "me" again. to have energy to do the things that I enjoy and that fill me up.
thankful for: extra help from my mother-in-law with Noah so that I could have a day to rest. for friends who brought us dinner one night. for new landlords, who are so nice and we genuinely like, and that were very responsive to a problem and got us a new stove this week. for some downtime at home with just Jeremy and Noah this week to enjoy each other.
reading: Ecclesiastes, 1 Samuel, 1000 Gifts, assorted cookbooks (lamenting my lack of cooking and new recipes lately and dreaming of feeling well enough to try new things again)
cooking: spinach artichoke dip, pizza, sesame soy honey baked tofu, pasta with bolognese, slow cooker maple dijon brussel sprouts, steak, mac and cheese, pad thai, chinese green beans
doing: still not much, as I'm still not feeling well. dinner with friends. Bible study. a community group Halloween party. finally got our ministry announcement letters sent. relaxing.
creating: Christmas presents... looking forward to when Christmas is over and being able to share what I've been working on.