Wednesday, July 11, 2012

thoughts from this fast...

As I mentioned yesterday, I spent the day fasting.  God used this fast to bless me with a lot of freedom, a lot of clarity, and a new level of love and compassion for Him and others.  He took me into a whole new level of relationship with Him.  I feel like I went from just being His acquaintance and knowing Him, to really being friends with Him.  To not just loving Him because I'm supposed to, and because He is good.  But to loving Him deeply, because He's Him, because He is love (1 John 4:8). 

I feel like often times I spend time with Him out of duty and obligation, not really listening, not really expecting Him to show up and speak to me, not believing that He will.

I feel like He's taking me into a new season.  A season in which I pursue Him with passion.  A season in which He is my passion.  A season in which I am so consumed by love for Him that it effects everything I do, every conversation that I have, every step that I take.  Where that passion in me inspires and brings out passion in those that I'm around.  Where I pursue the one true God, Jesus, with the same passion in which I pursued Jeremy when we first started dating.  Where I want to know everything about Him.  Where I want to spend every moment with Him.  Where He is what I think about, what I talk about, what my heart longs for.  A season in which I wake up in anticipation, knowing that I get to spend time with Him, knowing He is here.  A season in which I long for nothing other than Him.  I hope this season never ends!

He's giving me confidence in who He created me to be.  He's freeing me from jealousy and intimidation of gifts that He has put in other people.  He's telling me that although my gifts are different, they are not inferior, or of lesser value.  He's telling me that it's okay to desire more of Him, more gifts, and a deeper relationship with Him, but that that's only okay when done in love and to see Him glorified, and not out of a desire to see myself exalted.  He's showing me that I can't use some one else's formula for hearing and experiencing Him, because it's about relationship, that when I relate to Him, He will relate to me... simple as that.  (Why do we make it so hard sometimes?)

I love that I serve a God who doesn't want me to pursue Him out of guilt, duty or obligation.  I love that He allows and waits for us to pursue Him in freedom, joy, and love.  I love that He is creative.  That He is fun and funny, and not stiff, legalistic, and rigid like religion makes Him out to be.  I love Him!

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