I tend to go through various seasons in my relationship with the Lord, as I'm sure everyone does. I flip flop back and forth between times of deep intimacy with Him, and times in which I don't seem to hear His voice or feel His presence. It's not that He leaves me, because I know that He is always here, but I go through periods of being so focused on myself that I am closed off to what He is trying to do in and through me. I go through periods where I feel like a "dead man walking" and just go through the motions, where Jesus just doesn't seem real to me. I struggle with having lots of head knowledge, but letting my heart get cold and hardened, with walls built up drowning out the promptings of the Spirit.
I'm now coming out of a 1-2 month spell of one of those seasons in which I felt distant from Him. Jesus is right now so real to me. He is continuing to speak to me, show me where and how He has been trying to get my attention for the last month. His word is coming alive. I'm desiring to spend time with Him, making it at the top of my list each day rather than an after thought that continues to get postponed until the rest of my to do list has been accomplished.
He is my Healer (Exodus 15:26). My Redeemer (Isaiah 44:6). My Comforter (1 Corinthians 1:3-7). He is showing me how I had allowed bitterness, judgement, self-righteousness and pride to creep into my heart and consume me. How those ugly characteristics had been effecting every relationship that I have; my relationship with Him, my relationships with family, and my relationships with friends. He is in the process of refining me, cleansing me, and making me more like Him.
Today I'm just grateful. I'm grateful for His faithfulness despite my fickleness. I'm grateful for His forgiveness, restoration, healing, mercy, and grace. I'm in awe of Him, of His power, His goodness, His love. I'm in awe that He would choose to use someone like me to accomplish His purpose.
I pray constantly that Noah will grow up knowing Jesus in a real, deep, intimate way. That Jesus won't just be someone we read about, that it won't be about religion, but that Noah would have a relationship with Him. That Noah would see that my and Jeremy's relationship with the Lord is real, and not just rules, not just words we say, but that he will see it penetrate every aspect of our lives, home, and family.
As Peter Lord said "We do what we believe, the rest is just a bunch of religious talk".
Lord, strengthen me to be a person of action, and not mere religious talk. I pray that you'd always be real to me, and that Noah would know you intimately and walk with you. I love you Jesus!!!!