i can't say enough how awesome God has been lately... and how much He has showed me His faithfulness through provision. He has shown me how much He cares about the small every day aspects of my life... even when i don't bring every single concern to Him.
just yesterday, i was realizing that my maternity jeans were getting tight and i was starting to get a little anxious about not having the money to buy additional maternity clothes right now... especially clothes that i'll only wear for 3 more months. and while i still have several skirts and dresses that fit, i just wanted one good pair of jeans for those days where jeans and a tshirt are just comforting. this seriously bugged me yesterday... as i wore a pair of jeans all day that were just a little more tight than i'd like i just felt a little worse about myself all day as a result of not really feeling fully comfortable (it's silly how much knowing we look good/ or feeling like we don't can effect our moods as women). then, just last night two ladies from our community group brought a gigantic bag of gently used maternity clothes to me, as well as other great baby items including two unopened boxes of bottles, a high chair, a bottle sterilizer and more. these two ladies had salvaged all of this stuff from their boss, who was going to throw it all away before moving out of the area. in the bag of maternity clothes there happened to be several pairs of jeans, in my favorite brand, that fit me now with a little room to space for the next 3 months. the unopened gift set of bottles even happened to be the exact same bottles that i had registered for. i was absolutely in awe... amazed... feeling stupid for spending my day frustrated and worried over something so small, and for not even talking to my Lord about it. then dumb founded that although i didn't ask, that although i found this need too trivial to bring before Him, that He still delivered... that He knows my needs even more intimately than i do, and that He loves me enough to meet them. and i realize that of course it would have been okay for me to ask Him for something as trivial as a pair of jeans, as long as i was open to whatever answer He gave me.
a woman who spent a ton of time investing in and building into me in myrtle beach has often told me of how she would pray for couches, and pray for clothes when she needed them. and how almost every time God always provided exactly what she needed... usually for free, and usually fairly immediately. perhaps my faith was too small, perhaps i thought that God did things that awesome for women of great faith like her, but that He really didn't care about my tiny needs. but now He has shown me that He does care, and that He will provide for my needs.
i'm not saying that God is my genie, and i'm going to start using Him to get everything that i want... He is too big to be manipulated like that. i'm not saying that He's going to say "yes" or deliver every single time. but i'm trusting that He knows what is best. that He knows my true needs, and that i should constantly be in communication with Him about what is on my heart and mind, rather than closing Him off from the areas that seem too insignificant.
and it's not even just the gifts yesterday... ever since we found out that i was pregnant God has provided for us each step of the way... He has abundantly blessed us with the opportunity to find so much of what we need for noah either free from friends or family who have been amazingly generous, or very inexpensively through yard sales and craigslist finds.
and perhaps this is just the reassurance that i need... as we're about to go down to 1 income. as it seems crazy to do so, and like it doesn't quite make sense on paper... perhaps He's reminding me that He is with us... that He is our provider, and that He will be with us each step of the way.
i'm not saying it's going to be easy. i'm not saying there won't be sacrifices. i'm not saying that our standard of living won't change. i'm not even saying that God guarantees us a home, job, health, or safety... because He doesn't... because throughout time things have been hard for people who follow Him... there have been persecutions, there have been martyrs, there have been people who loved Him who died of starvation, or victims of crime, or who were homeless. but i do know that He is in control, that i can trust Him, and that He will work everything for the good of those who love Him... and in all of that i can find rest and peace.