I've been struggling in my faith a little this weekend.
This happens to me from time to time. Anytime that I begin to pursue something more than I am pursuing Christ... even (and ESPECIALLY) when what I am pursuing is religious or spiritual.
A few months ago, this happened when I was trying to learn about Calvinism and Armenianism. I got so caught up in the pursuit of having answers and clear understanding. I saw points to each side. I had so many questions. And no answers. And then confusion set in. And in that confusion I was drowning, desperately grasping to any little bit of faith and truth within me to cling to, to hold to, so that my faith as a whole didn't come crashing down. And I realized that it was no longer healthy for me to pursue studying about these doctrines. That my pursuit was becoming a hindrance, rather than a help to my walk with Christ. That I was pursuing answers more than I was pursuing Him.
Now, two months later, I find myself in this same desperate state again. I've been doing a lot of studying, learning, and pursuing experiences of the supernatural... of gifts of the Spirit, of the power of God and manifestations of that power, and of spiritual warfare. I've become so caught up in the pursuit of knowledge and experience that I lost sight of Christ, that I allowed pursuing these things to become more important to me than Him. And in that I find myself overwhelmed. With more questions. Grasping for a small life raft of truth to cling to.
And so I cling to Christ. To His life, death, and resurrection. And I resolve to make His Kingdom my primary concern, rather than the other things. Things that good. Things that I will still pursue, but things that I will NOT pursue before Him.
Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness
1 Corinthians 2:2 For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.
And so I seek Him. His voice. His presence. And humbly ask Him to increase my faith. To help in my unbelief. To guard me with His truth. And I KNOW, that He will get me through this.
2 Timothy 2:13 If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.
Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
Mark 9:24 Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, “I do believe; help my unbelief.”
Thank you Jesus. For your faithfulness. Thank you!
(p.s. I am in no way saying that people shouldn't pursue these things, or that all people who do will fall in the same way that I have, I am just saying that these pursuits have been a problem for ME)