Tuesday, April 8, 2014
He Told Me Who I Am
Recently, I had a powerful interaction with God, one in which He told me who I am, and after which I will never be the same. Until now, I've been unsure as to when or how or with whom to share this information, but now I feel like it's the time to start sharing and inviting others into this journey. I'm inviting you into the depths of my heart as I receive, process, and step into my "calling".
I would love to say that this started with an overly spiritual experience... that I had been fasting, and seeking, and praying, or just spending some time completely resting in my oneness with the Father, aware of His presence... but that's not how it went down. That's just like God, to show up when we least expect it and rock our world, turning it upside down. To give us profound, life changing experiences in the seemingly ordinary and mundane moments so that we don't think the experience was a result of our doing, our efforts in seeking Him, or our spiritual performance for Him. But I digress...
So it went down one ordinary day. I was standing over my dryer, folding and stuffing cloth diapers, in a simple state of peace, rest, and contentment. Maybe singing/ worshiping a little as I worked, but nothing overly focused, intentional or purposeful. And then God spoke to me. He told me that I am a Pastor.
"WHAT?!?" Was my reaction. This was not something even remotely on my radar.
I've always had theology to back up women in roles of leadership. In layman's terms I've always believed that at the Fall, woman was put subject under man, but at the Cross, creation was restored to its' initial intention... becoming and fulfilling the curse. Therefore I've always supported women as leaders and pastors... as long as it was some other woman somewhere else... but never really felt the desire for myself to be in an official place of leadership over a body, especially a body that contained men.
So to say this pastor thing caught me off guard would be an understatement.
But then He gave me a new definition of pastor. In Western culture, I think we tend to think of a pastor as someone who is over a church body and stands up in front of lots of people and preaches every Sunday. So God showed me that a pastor is a shepherd who is in charge of a flock. A pastor gathers his flock, knows his flock, is aware of their needs, provides/ meets their needs and cares for them.
Given this new picture of who/ what a pastor is, I was starting to be much more comfortable with this idea. I think those are all things that I naturally (or by supernatural gifting) effortlessly do well as I go about life. They are things that I am passionate about. God showed me that I'm already unofficially serving in this role... I gather groups of families, moms, women etc. together all of the time. I take the time to know these people and care for them.
There is something so profoundly intimate about hearing from my Creator who He created me to be. Nothing else in my entire life has ever felt so true and real to my heart. It was almost like a whole new awakening. Like all of those times in the Old (or New) Testament when God showed up and revealed Himself to someone and changed their name, because that encounter with Him was so profound that the person would no longer be the same... the old name would no longer suffice... the person had a new identity and purpose (ex/ Abram/ Abraham, Sarai/ Sarah, Jacob/ Israel, Saul/ Paul and so many more!). This was definitely that type of experience for me.
I'm still processing through this new information with my Maker. I'm still asking for clarity and know that He will give it to me one step at a time, in His perfect timing as I walk by faith each step of the way. So join me on this journey as I share how He leads and guides me. And may this be an inspiration to you that He has created YOU for a specific purpose and wants to show that to you as well.