Our Love: A Story of Redemption

In honor of our 7 year anniversary I thought I'd tell my version of our love story...

Jeremy and I met at church.  I had been attending a Thursday evening young adult service for over a year at which Jeremy played guitar.  We had seen each other and probably knew who each other were for that year, but had never met until one night when a friend introduced us.

After being introduced we talked for a while and went through the general get to know you type of conversation.  The next morning Jeremy showed up at my work unexpectedly.  (I later found out that he had forgotten where I work and had to call a friend to refresh his mind with this info).  It was a bold move though, to show up unannounced at my workplace, but I didn't mind one bit.  In fact, I was extremely impressed at how nicely he cleaned up... until this point I had only ever seen him in ripped jeans and converse shoes at church, but upon seeing him in dress pants, a dress shirt, and a tie I was taken aback at how handsome he looked and how much of a sense of style he had (this was not what made me interested in him, I really enjoyed our conversation the night earlier, but it sure didn't hurt his case any!).  So he showed up at my work, sat down at my desk, and we talked for a while.  Minor details aside, we ended up going on our first date a few days later.

He picked me up, and we went out for sushi.  Many people would consider our first date a train wreck.  I have since learned from the mistakes that I made due to insecurity.

A little back story may be in order here... Jeremy was the first Christian guy I had ever dated.  And at this point in my life I was 25 years old, had had a successful career for 7 years, and owned my own condo... I was very independent.

Mistake number one.  We walked into the restaurant and I took charge, walked straight up to the hostess and requested a table for 2.  I have since learned this was a little bit of a turnoff to Jeremy by my need/ desire to be in charge.

Mistake number two.  At this point in my life I had only been a Christian for about a year.  I had a past that I thought most Christian men might not be comfortable with.  Out of insecurity, I wanted to (and did) verbally unload my entire past {baggage} on Jeremy during dinner.  I was scared... scared we would date for months, fall in love, and then when I broke all of the news to him he would run for the hills and leave me hurt.  So I decided to air all of my dirty laundry up front and see if he was up for sticking around.  I basically spent 2 hours giving him all of the reasons he shouldn't date me.  After that was done I felt free and comfortable and we actually ended up having some good conversation following my confessions.  But, I still didn't think I'd ever hear from him again after our first date.

You see, on our first date Jeremy didn't kiss me, didn't hug me, didn't even try to hold my hand.  Based on the fact that he paid for dinner though I was pretty sure that it had indeed been a date and I wasn't just mistaken.  I had never in my life been on a date where a guy didn't try to physically pursue me.  In fact, I had spent the majority of my life thinking that sex and physical affections were the only reasons guys talked to girls, took them out, or bought them dinner.  So I was quite perplexed by the lack of advance on Jeremy's part.  I was pretty sure I was in the friend trap.

But then he called me.  And we hung out again.  And again.  But still no signs of physical affection.  At this point I was sure I was in the friend trap because dating without physical affection was an oxymoron to me.  I had never seen it, experienced it, or even heard of it.  So one night, being the independent modern woman I was, I decided to take matters into my own hands... when Jeremy was at my house I pinned him down and kissed him, much to his surprise.  The next day he called me and wanted to talk about that incident.  He said something to the extent of how that had been fun and all, but that God was leading him to pursue me in a different way, without all of the physical stuff.

And I was dumbfounded.  At this point in my walk with Christ I had read the book of Ruth, and had been praying for an honorable man to pursue and honor me like Boaz had, but I had no idea what that looked like.  And here I was, someone actually doing it and I had missed it, and rather than trusting and following the lead of said man, I grasped for control trying to shape our relationship into exactly what I didn't want, but that was all that I knew.

We dated from July 2006, until we got engaged in April 2007.  The whole time we dated we never kissed.  I wouldn't prescribe this way of dating for all people, but it was God's gift to me.  It was His way of redeeming a past of feelings of being used, cheap, abused, and only pursued for physical reasons to giving me confidence in me, my value, and that someone could love me for who I am and not what I do.  Instead of spending hours making out we spent hours talking, getting to know each other, and finding out each other's passions and desires.  We got to know each other really well, and know that our visions of the future and expectations of marriage were compatible.  We built a solid foundation of friendship and companionship upon which to build the rest of our lives.

After we had been dating around 8 months I knew that I loved Jeremy and I so badly wanted to tell him but I was determined at this point to wait on him to lead our relationship and not make the same mistake that I did with kissing early on.  So I waited, and waited, and bit my tongue holding in my feelings and emotions.  Feeling secure in our relationship and Jeremy's affections for me, but always kind of wondering why he wasn't yet dropping the L word.

And then I found out why...

On Good Friday 2007 we went on a day trip to Charleston, SC to shop, walk, eat, and enjoy some relaxed time together.  While sitting on a park bench Jeremy told me that he had never told me he loved me because he didn't want me to give my heart away until he was ready for the responsibility of accepting it.  In this moment he pulled out a ring, told me he loved me, asked me to marry him and gave me my first kiss (well 2nd, but we don't count the first one).

We got married 4 months later, 13 months from our first date.

Our story is the story of God working in our lives... of bringing us both to an unlikely place at the same time, introducing us a year and a half later (after I'd had the chance of coming to know God and deepening my relationship with Him), redeeming dating and physical pursuits for me, and teaching me just how good He is... how He has a plan for each of us... how intimately involved in the details of our lives He is... how He gives us good gifts, better gifts than we could even imagine or dream up for ourselves... how valuable we are to Him and more.

Our story is the story of me learning to accept love from another person, from my Maker, and to love myself.

Jeremy, I'm so grateful for you.  For the honorable way God led you to pursue me.  Of how He brought us together and has given us a common purpose and vision for our life together.  You make me a better person.  You model Christ's love to me.  You are amazing... a man of honor, integrity, character and faith... the man I wanted, the man I prayed for.  I love you.  I love us.  I love our life together and the God that we serve side by side.

3 years ago today...

Today is our 3 year anniversary (woohoo!!!!).  We are being boring, and working today, and will probably end up celebrating with a relaxing evening at home.  We did however take a 4 day weekend, and will spend the next 4 days celebrating, relaxing, and enjoying time to connect with each other.  No real agenda, other than to not have lots of commitments and to enjoy our time.  We tend not to be over the top in our celebrations, but to really enjoy the simple things, time together, a dinner out, long walks holding hands, and good talks where it feels as though we've touched souls.

Over the years (and through wise words spoken to me by friends) I've learned to not put so much pressure or such high expectations on a particular day, event, or celebration.  I've learned that often I tend to idealize things in my mind, and then end up disappointed if things don't go as well as I'd planned.  I've learned that expectations add stress and pressure.  I've learned that often the most meaningful times are the unplanned ones, that happen along the way of living life.  I've learned that while romance can include flowers, candles, and wining and dining that it doesn't have to.  That lasting romance is experienced through our commitment to each other in spite of the ups and downs, through unconditional love, and through our marriage staying centered on the Lord.  So here's to our celebration of love, life, and marriage.  I leave you with the script from our wedding, I love going back and reading our vows and the Scriptures read at our wedding.

Jeremy and Shannon today is an exciting day of celebration, joy and a bit of stress. Marriage is designed by God to provide a safe place of love, comfort and adventure.

Eclesiastes 4:12  A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.


Genesis 2:24  This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.


Today, two individuals are becoming one. Jeremy and Shannon are entering a covenant of marriage saying, “We are walking this path together. Divorce is not an option. We are committed to God and each other.”


Ruth 1:16  But Ruth replied, "Don't ask me to leave you and turn back. I will go wherever you go and live wherever you live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.


Earthly marriage is a great prelude to the main event of history. Human love and marriage provide us a picture of a future event. One day, Jesus Christ promised that he would return for His bride “the church.” Through a relationship with Jesus you receive not only an invitation to the wedding but a reception dinner that is truly other-worldly.


Paul in the book of Ephesians blends his conversation about marriage and the church.


Ephesians 5:22-33  You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.  And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church.  And we are his body. As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


Jeremy, Paul’s words here give you a clue to a happy, meaningful marriage. Love your wife the way Christ loved the church…selflessly. Shannon, you are not off the hook. You are to respect your husband. Women need to be loved. Men need to be respected. Couples that forget this, endure marriage they do not enjoy it.  Love and Respect.


The vows affirm the covenant relationship between a husband and a wife.


Jeremy, repeat after me: I, Jeremy, take you Shannon, to be my wife, my friend and my life-partner for the rest of our lives. Before God, family and friends I pledge to you my life. I will be faithful to you in sickness and in health, in good and bad times, in times of joy and well as in times of sorrow. I promise to love you as Christ loves His church.

Shannon, repeat after me: I, Shannon, take you Jeremy, to be my husband, my friend and my life-partner for the rest of our lives. Before God, family and friends I pledge to you my life. I will be faithful to you in sickness and in health, in good and bad times, in times of joy and well as in times of sorrow. I promise to respect you and follow your lead.


In the church, baptism is the outward sign of an inward commitment to Christ. In the marriage, the ring is an outward symbol of fidelity. The rings do not make you married. They let others know that you are.


Do you, Jeremy, give this ring to Shannon, as a visible symbol of your fidelity to her.


Jeremy, repeat after me:  Shannon, I give you this ring, as a promise of my fidelity and as an expression of my love.


Do you, Shannon, give this ring to Jeremy, as a visible symbol of your fidelity to him?


Shannon, repeat after me: Jeremy, I give this ring to you as a promise of my fidelity and as an expression of my respect for you.


I now pronounce you husband and wife before God, family and friends.  Jeremy, you may now kiss your wife.  I present to you Mr. And Mrs. Jeremy Mangerchine.

Happy anniversary Jeremy! I love you more than ever! I love our life together! I love serving, seeking, and growing in the Lord together! I love the man that you are... a leader worthy of following. I love the woman that you make me. May we always put the Lord first in our lives, and may we always put each other next, above all others!

Shannon

2 years ago today...

On this day, two years ago, I married my best friend. I feel truly blessed by our commitment to each other, and love for God and each other.

Jeremy and I met at exactly the perfect time... as God's timing always is. Much earlier, and things never would have worked, for we would not have been in the right spot in our lives. We met at a young adult church service (at which Jeremy played guitar) when we were living in Myrtle Beach. We had both attended that service for over a year, and had seen each other all the time, but never actually spoken. One night a friend introduced us and we spent at least an hour afterwards chatting and going through the general introductory get to know you type of conversation. Within a few days he had invited me on our first date, for sushi. We talked at the restaurant for several hours, and then in the car for several hours before I finally went inside. Much to my surprise we never even touched that night... no goodnight kiss, hug, or hand hold. I had only been a Believer for about a year at this time, and definitely had never been on a date with a man of God, with integrity, seeking to honor Him in all things. When Jeremy left without a single sign of affection I was sure he wasn't interested, and wouldn't ever call me again. I was used to the world's way of dating, not the Lord's.

Much to my surprise Jeremy did call me again, and we continued to spend time together, still with no signs of affection. I wasn't sure if I was in the friend trap initially, or exactly what his intentions were. Along this path of getting to know each other we had talked and prayed several times about whether we were (or would actually date), about whether we could serve God better together, or as singles. After going around with this a couple times we ended up in official "dating" status. Jeremy had told me that God had put it on his heart to strive for purity in our relationship, to flee from physical temptation, so we would not kiss while dating (that's a rough paraphrase from how it actually happened, but that was several years ago).

Again, this was completely foreign to me, but I was relieved to understand why he hadn't tried to "bust a move on me" yet. It wasn't that he wasn't attracted to me, he was just more committed to honoring God (and me) through our relationship, than he was in indulging instant gratification. (Please know that I'm not saying that this is a requirement for all Christian relationships, it was just what we needed and what the Lord had for us). My heart melted at this! God had given me exactly what I had needed, a man of character, honor, and integrity! A man that I was sure was interested in me, and not just physical gratification. Since we didn't spend endless hours "necking" during our dating period, we had lots of time to talk, and really get to know each other, and that we did.

8 months later we got engaged, exchanged our first "I love you" with each other (as Jeremy had resolved not to seek my heart, until he could ask for it in marriage), and had our first kiss! 4 months later we were married.

Our wedding was small and simple by today's standards, but was perfect for us.

And two years later here we are; more committed to each other, and more in love with each other than ever. As our love continues to mature, we continue to become more united, and strive to serve our God.

Shannon

romance

this wednesday i was feeling the need to take a break from the usual routine and for jeremy and i to do something random, spontaneous and romantic. while i love routine, i tend to become a doer when i'm in routine mode, rather than taking the time to appreciate what is going on around me and truly interacting with others. after having shared a house with several other people for the past few months i wanted an opportunity for us to enjoy a romantic evening, with deep conversation to reconnect our hearts (meggan and randy if you're reading this i'm sure you're laughing right now at my use of buzz words :) ). right now jeremy and i are spending more time together than we ever have, since we have a one hour commute each way, plus go to the gym together as well, and while we enjoy this time, we can become complacent and take the time for granted and just go about our days and ways without truly taking the time to find out what is going on in each other's hearts, lives and days. when we're disconnected then i find that we're much more prone to being negative, critical, bitter, and selfish with each other. so we try to make efforts to stay on the same page with each other, or get back there quickly if we notice we're not there. all of that said, the only way for us truly to have unity in our marriage is through christ, who unites us, humbles us, and serves as the center of our union... it is only through him that we can find the desire to serve each other and love each other.

so wednesday evening we skipped the gym, walked to a local bar two blocks away from our home and sat outside on a patio surrounded by plants and vines while jeremy drank a beer, i had a glass of wine, and we spent time communicating with each other in a purposeful way. it was wonderful and much needed.

doing something special and out of the ordinary is a great way to fan the romance in a relationship. however, the more i've thought about this subject, and tried to brainstorm ways to add more romance into our marriage the more i've realized that while ooey, gooey romance is fun, there's a different type of romance that goes on in a marriage as well. it may not provoke the same butterflies and emotions that dates, flowers, bubble baths and walks on the beach induce, but it's a more mature, steady kind of romance. my daily life is filled with romance, i just need to choose to see it, acknowledge it, and be thankful for it. every time jeremy and i lock eyes it's romantic, every time we put each other before ourself or serve each other it's romantic, experiencing unconditional love is romantic, taking communion together at church each week is romantic, discussing our passions, interests and future is romantic, praying together is romantic and so on. all this to say i've realized that i don't necessarily need to scurry around all of the time trying to create moments that the movies are filled with, i just need to open my eyes and heart and relish in the romance that's right in front of me right here and now.

what do you do to bring romance into your marriage?

shannon

The things you did at first...

At the gym last week a few guys mentioned to Jeremy that they hadn't realized that we were married and thought that we were just dating. We took this as a compliment because they made their assumptions by observing the way that we flirt at the gym (with each other of course!), the way that we clearly enjoy spending time together and each other's company, the looks that we give each other, they took all of those to mean that we had to be dating, in that "first love/ infatuation phase" because married couples just don't do that stuff. Granted two of the guys are recently divorced and probably have a dismal view of what a marriage is, but I think this reflects an increasing stigma in America about marriage. How often in conversation or media are jokes made about "the ball and chain", about lack of sex after two people are married, how often do TV shows and movies depict couples that seem to be purely enduring each other's presence rather than relishing in it, serving each other, and joyfully putting the other's needs before their own? There is nothing special about Jeremy's and my marriage other than that we are compelled by the Holy Spirit and committed to honoring, and being centered on Jesus. We don't have all the answers or have a conflict free marriage, but we invite Jesus into our home, hearts and lives and seek to stay fixed on Him. We have only been married about 2 years, but I pray that this type of flirtation will carry on throughout our entire marriage. Flirtation is refreshing to a marriage; hand holding, back rubs, winks, pats on the butt, sharing inside jokes that are just between the two of you. All of these things breathe life into a marriage, and help to keep two people united. In Scripture Jesus reminds the believers of their first love stage with Him, the things they did during that time, and He encourages them to do these same things always.

Revelation 2:4-5 “But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don’t repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches.


This easily applies to marriage... in the beginning of dating each person puts in much thought and effort into their looks to impress the other, they do sweet things for each other like leave notes, give flowers, they are touchy feely, frequently encourage and compliment one another, and think about each other endlessly when apart. Now I'm not saying that every couple should flirt in the same way, or do the same things as Jeremy and I, God created us all different and what is a display of affection for one couple may be different for another, some people don't have physical touch needs, but have other needs. Jeremy and I are also two very affectionate people, whose biggest love needs are spend time with and touch, so those are how we both need love and give love to each other. The point of all of this is to think about your dating, courting or newlywed period and remember all of the special things that you did for your sweetheart. To purposefully do those same things 5, 10, and 50 years into marriage, to make intentional acts of kindness to each other, to be purposeful about feeding the fire of friendship, passion, and closeness within a relationship. To (as I often say) blossom and not just endure in marriage.

Don't followers of Jesus have a duty to exhibit Christ in their marriage? Aren't we to reflect Christ's love, patience, gentleness, and humility through our union, so that His character may be known and observed?

Ephesians 5:22-32 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I challenge you to ask yourself, what is my marriage saying to the world about Jesus? How can I better reflect Christ's love to my spouse, and through that to others?

These questions aren't easy, we all fall significantly short of displaying a Christ-like character, but we have a God who takes people like us, cleans them up, and is continually making us more like Himself. And that is something worthy of rejoicing!

Shannon

Nurturing a heart of gratitude

A friend (I didn’t get permission to share this so she will remain nameless) shared with me a reflection that she has been doing on a daily basis and I liked the idea so much that I had to join in. Each day, before she prays, journals and spends time in God’s word she’s been taking 5 minutes to journal and write down 5 things that she is grateful for about her husband.

By our one year anniversary in marriage Jeremy and I talked on and on about how easy it was to fall into the daily routine and take each other for granted. About how often and easily we nit pick each other rather than use our words for encouragement and gratitude (the things that we were so good at prior to marriage). About how easily criticalness can cloud out the gratitude when we’re not led by the Spirit. Since this talk occurred (6 months ago) I’ve been reflecting and trying to find ways to cultivate and nurture a heart of gratitude for my husband. To be more encouraging, and to, by God’s power, avoid criticizing him. When my friend explained to me what she has been doing (that I listed in the paragraph above) I thought it was something that I just had to try. She said that it has helped her to be more grateful for her husband, and to be less quick to criticize or be negative as a result of the abundance of gratitude. So I set out. Not to do a program, not to do it for a week, a month or any specific time frame, but as the Lord leads me. If I miss some days that’s fine. But most days I’m going to do this, indefinitely, until I feel that He is leading me otherwise. I think this is the perfect expression of Philippians 4:8 and focusing on the admirable, lovely, praiseworthy and just.

On a side note, the first day I sat down to do this Jeremy and I had just gotten in a bit of an argument or conflicting conversation. But dedicated to my new mission I sat down, journal in hand purposing to be grateful. So I stared at the paper for about 5 minutes before I wrote anything at all. It was almost embarrassing. It revealed to me how hard my heart was in that moment because I had to think and think hard to find something to be grateful for. I was self-absorbed, and absorbed in the moment and my emotions. It showed me the ugliness within my own heart and my need for God. Once I worked through the realization, at how bad I am inside, then I set out again to list 5 reasons that I love Jeremy and am grateful for him. Slowly the Lord softened my heart and I started listing things on the paper as my head flooded with ideas. Isn’t it just like God to use something I had planned and show me my need for Him through it? Isn’t it just like God to completely throw off exactly what I had planned in order to bring me back to Him? What good are any of my plans anyway if I undertake them apart from Him? So several days later I’ve approached this task several more times with a more loving heart from the start. I don’t think it’s a cure for a lack of gratitude (only God can change our hearts), but I’ve enjoyed the purposeful reflection.

I think this same method could be used for cultivating and nurturing a heart of gratitude for the cross. Do we as Christians take the Jesus’ sacrifice too lightly? Do we understand the depths from what we’ve been saved and the price that was paid? Do we understand what we’ve been given? Do we live like it? Perhaps meditating purely on this daily would help us not to take these things lightly.

Shannon

1 Year Married!!!!!... (well almost)

This Monday, August 25, is our 1 year anniversary!!!!!! Jeremy and I are off to stay at a borrowed condo in Pawley's Island for the next several days to celebrate. We're going to spend the next several days connecting, celebrating, relaxing, and just enjoying each other.

In light of the festivities, for all interested here's a link to our wedding pics. You'll need to select "view proofs", then use username: "shannon_judy" and password: "082507".

A year ago I was walking down the aisle, grinning ear to ear, to the sound of a woman's voice singing "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty...", and staring at my dashingly handsome groom. It was beautiful!

This was the script for our ceremony:

Jeremy and Shannon today is an exciting day of celebration, joy and a bit of stress. Marriage is designed by God to provide a safe place of love, comfort and adventure.

Eclesiastes 4:12
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Genesis 2:24
This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Today, two individuals are becoming one. Jeremy
and Shannon are entering a covenant of marriage saying, “We are walking this path together. Divorce is not an option. We are committed to God and each other.”

Ruth 1:16
But Ruth replied, "Don't ask me to leave you and turn back. I will go wherever you go and live wherever you live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.

Earthly marriage is a great prelude to the main event of history. Human love and marriage provide us a picture of a future event. One day, Jesus Christ promised that he would return for His bride “the church.” Through a relationship with Jesus you receive not only an invitation to the wedding but a reception dinner that is truly other-worldly.

Paul in the book of Ephesians blends his conversation about marriage and the church.

Ephesians 5:22-33
You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.

And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church.

And we are his body. As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Jeremy, Paul’s words here give you a clue to a happy, meaningful marriage. Love your wife the way Christ loved the church…selflessly. Shannon, you are not off the hook. You are to respect your husband. Women need to be loved. Men need to be respected. Couples that forget this, endure marriage they do not enjoy it.

Love and Respect.

Exchange of Vows

Doug
The vows affirm the covenant relationship between a husband and a wife.
Jeremy, repeat after me: I, Jeremy, take you Shannon, to be my wife, my friend and my life-partner for the rest of our lives. Before God, family and friends I pledge to you my life. I will be faithful to you in sickness and in health, in good and bad times, in times of joy and well as in times of sorrow. I promise to love you as Christ loves His church.

Doug
Shannon, repeat after me: I, Shannon, take you Jeremy, to be my husband, my friend and my life-partner for the rest of our lives. Before God, family and friends I pledge to you my life. I will be faithful to you in sickness and in health, in good and bad times, in times of joy and well as in times of sorrow. I promise to respect you and follow your lead.

Doug
In the church, baptism is the outward sign of an inward commitment to Christ. In the marriage, the ring is an outward symbol of fidelity. The rings do not make you married. They let others know that you are.

Do you, Jeremy, give this ring to Shannon, as a visible symbol of your fidelity to her.

Jeremy
I DO

Doug
Jeremy, repeat after me:
Shannon, I give you this ring, as a promise of my fidelity and as an expression of my love.

Doug
Do you, Shannon, give this ring to Jeremy, as a visible symbol of your fidelity to him?

Shannon
I DO

Doug
Shannon, repeat after me: Jeremy, I give this ring to you as a promise of my fidelity and as an expression of my respect for you.

Doug
I now pronounce you husband and wife before God, family and friends.

Jeremy, you may now kiss your wife.

I present to you Mr. And Mrs. Jeremy Mangerchine.

Now, one year later, I love Jeremy more than ever. Each day I love him more and more. My love for him changes over time, it matures, but it continues to grow. I love the man God has made him. I love the woman he makes me. I love the couple that we are together. I love our life that we've made together. I love the way God uses us to speak to each other, the way He uses us together as a team in ministry to others, the way He bonds us as one. I love having a partner, teammate and best friend to share everything in life with. There have been ups and downs this year (way more ups than downs though). We've had our share of arguments, selfish moments, frustrations etc., but we have a marriage centered on and submitted to the Lord, which gets us through all of those rough times. I love how our marriage has been a chance to realize the inner selfishness that I can be capable of and other sins that I could easily hide in my single life. I love how through marriage God has brought those things to the surface, and allowed me to experience his unconditional love, mercy, grace and forgiveness in whole new ways. I love how I experience those through Jeremy regularly when I'm not acting quite so lovable. I love how I have regular opportunities to allow the Spirit to work through me as well and show Jeremy the same unconditional love, grace, mercy and forgiveness. I love having a husband who is a gifted leader, and can lead me, our marriage and our future children. I love having someone to snuggle with all of the time. I love having someone to laugh with, cut up with, that I can do anything and everything around and know that he accepts me just the way I am, as I do him. I love the way that Jeremy and I becoming one has morphed me into a different person than I was before.

Baby, I love the amazing man that you are! I believe in you, I'm proud of you, I'm your biggest fan! I love you so much!!!!!


Lord, thank you for the amazing husband that you've given me. Thank you for the day we met at Refuge. Thank you for Jeremy's character and heart for you. Thank you for making him into a man capable of leading me and our marriage and keeping our home centered on You. God, I ask that you grow me in the areas that I am weak, make me into the woman that Jeremy needs me to be. Give me a heart that joyfully serves him, joyfully puts him before myself. Continue to fill us with grace, mercy, patience, passion, sacrificial love, and forgiveness for each other. Continue to keep us centered on you Lord. As our wedding ceremony stated let us be a triple braided cord with you Lord. Let our union be an example of you and your love to the world.

Shannon

A wife who does her husband good...

Proverbs 31:10-12 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

The Lord brought this verse to my mind about a week ago and I’ve been meditating on wanting to be a wife who does my husband good and not evil all the days of my life. I’ve thought about various women of Scripture and how they’ve encouraged their husbands towards good or evil.

Job’s wife: Job 2:9 Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!"

When Job lost his possessions, family, and health he refused to turn on the Lord. His wife pushed him in the opposite direction. I don’t want to be a wife who by words or actions encourages my husband away from fellowship with our Heavenly Father (whether directly or indirectly). I don’t want to have a bitter heart, bring my husband into critical, judgmental, complaining, or gossiping conversations that would bring out impurities in his heart as well. I want the words that come out of my mouth to be used for encouraging him, building him up, and focusing on things that are noble, true, lovely and praiseworthy. (Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen & Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.).

Eve: Genesis 3:6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.

Eve fell prey to the enemy, believed his lies, and enticed her husband to join her in disobeying God’s command. I don’t want to be a wife that is under the control of the deceiver and bringing my husband in that direction with me. I want to encourage him to trust, obey and rest in the Lord and be aware of the lies for what they are.

There are many more women and wives of the Bible whose character can be studied. I love the soft servant heart that Abigail had despite the hardened heart of her husband Nabal. Sarah had a soft servant heart for Abraham, but it could be concluded that she did not encourage him in the right direction when giving Hagar to him to conceive a child rather than waiting and trusting upon the Lord’s promise. Elizabeth, Mary and Ruth all had noble character.

Lord thank you for you word, thank you for revealing the lives of your daughters throughout Scripture. Thank you for the many women that you have put in my life to encourage and mentor me. Thank you for my amazing husband and his heart for you. Lord please teach me to be a wife that does him good all of my days, please show me opportunities to encourage him, serve him, meet his needs and push him towards you. Lord show us opportunities to love others and to push them towards you as well. We love you Jesus.

Shannon

10 Months Married!!!!!

Okay I’m a few days early… we’ll be 10 months married on June 25, but close enough right? So 10 months in, what have I learned, how have I changed, how has my love for my husband changed?

What have I learned?
-I’m not nearly as selfless as I thought, and am actually a pretty stinking selfish person
-I’m not nearly as good at serving others, encouraging others, and sharing as I thought
=
I really need the Lord and am so glad for His sacrifice, grace, love, mercy and forgiveness!!!!

I love how marriage is a chance to truly mimic God’s character to the one that we are closest with. To show unconditional love, faithfulness, forgiveness, grace, mercy, dying to self, and service to someone else even when they may be not doing the same for us. (admit it… we’re not perfect, we all have our moments where we can be a little hard to love). I’m looking forward to years of learning to submit my flesh to the Spirit to truly reflect that character to my husband (I’ll admit, I miss many opportunities currently). Marriage is definitely a purification process, at least if you allow it to be.

I’ve learned a lot about communication and healthy conflict within the dynamics of a relationship. I’ve learned that my husband needs encouragement from me and praise (which I’m not naturally so good at). I’ve learned that marriage is wonderful! That I love having a best friend and teammate to share everything with!

How have I changed?
-The single Shannon is gone, I have become one with my husband and that has changed of lot of who I was in my former self. God has miraculously knit me and Jeremy together and I have started to like things that he likes and vice versa, we share more of the same points of view and just feel like a unified unit instead of two individuals.
-I have grown closer to the Lord. The intricacy, intimacy, and trials of marriage can either push couples to the feet of their King for dependence and guidance or send them running away as they try to figure out how to make things work on their own and tackle marriage their way. Jeremy and I are absolutely focused on doing marriage God’s way, keeping Him in the center, and honoring Him through our marriage. In experiencing unconditional love from Jeremy and the character of God coming through in our marriage, I have come in know God in a whole new way. Jeremy is not only my best friend, but my spiritual partner. I love our conversations when we discuss spiritual things from the Kingdom of God, to the life and ways of Jesus and so on. Jeremy has a way of challenging me to think for myself and not just believe or recite what others tell me, but to really challenge things. Thank you for your time building into and discipling your wife darling!

How has my love for Jeremy changed?
-The first Bible study that I ever did was Falling in Love with Jesus by Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli. In the study it talked about three stages of our love with the Lord, and I think this apply to romantic relationships in marriage as well. For today’s purposes I’m going to talk about these stages as relating to dating/ marriage relationships, maybe one day I’ll do another blog on the actual study and relating these stages to our relationship with the Lord.

-Stage 1 First Love- This is the ooh ahh gone goo goo stage. There’s a girl in my Saturday morning girl’s group who has been out with a guy a couple times and she comes to group Saturday mornings with a perma grin on her face because she is just smitten over this guy. That is first love. You know when you can’t get enough of the person, you want to spend all of your time with them and you don’t really know each other yet so you have so much to talk about in person or over the phone. The conversation is endless as you are exploring who the other person is. (I remember the days where Jeremy and I would talk until 2 am and then I would still get up and go to work at 6 am the next morning… and we did this several nights a week).

-Stage 2 Wilderness Love- This stage may overlap some with stage 1 or 3 at times, but for the most part you are out in the wilderness. You have left the initial “exciting” period but haven’t quite made it into the comfortable, secure place yet. You may be experience conflict, boredom, change and adaptation as your relationship transforms and adjusts.

-Stage 3 Invincible Love- This is the secure stage of unconditional love. Where you can tell your partner ANYTHING, where you can truly be yourself, no matter who that is, in every sense of the good, bad and ugly and know that they still love you. You have security, healthy communication, healthy conflict, and a dynamic relationship that adjusts overtime as you two do. Your relationship has persevered through the trials of the wilderness and endured the storms and now you know that you are both committed and going to be there no matter what gets thrown your way.

I don’t know exactly when it happened, but I do know that Jeremy and I have crossed the line into invincible love. I’m sure it’s one of those things that if you don’t continue to invest in or work on you could be back in the wilderness before you know it, so I don’t want to get to cocky or carried away. I’m just happy that we’ve made it this far, and that I have a teammate who I love more and more each day and that both of us are absolutely dedicated and invested in making our marriage blossom.

As much as we all love to hear the captivating Jerry McGuire line “You complete me…” and then ooh and ahh afterwards that’s just bad theology. I was single, I was lost, I was saved, and I was complete in the Lord. I will say that Jeremy does make me a better person, that I do serve God better as a married couple than I did as a single, and that Jeremy pushes me towards Christ in ways that I hadn’t been pushed as a single (I had no idea of how much selfishes I was capable of and needed to lay before my King).

Baby I love you, you are an amazing man of God, and I’m so thrilled about spending the rest of our lives together!

Shannon

Not just enduring, but blossoming in marriage

This weekend Jeremy and I got to enjoy a wonderful sushi date at Sugami thanks to a gift certificate that we had saved from my bridal shower (thanks Aunt Lo and Alison!!!). It was such a blessing to have a night out with my sweetheart and best friend, enjoy some conversation together and good food. So often it’s so easy for us to get caught up in routine and busy schedules and find ourselves having gone several days without truly connecting hearts or drawing each other into anything deeper than a superficial conversation. We both desire to do this, we both desire to connect with each other, draw each other out, and know all of the details about each other, but so often fail in our execution of this. We can easily be caught up in chores around the house or the toll that our busy days take on us and then we come home and shut down. We try to be aware of this tendency and when it hits the most… like when we are super busy, so that we can plan a strategy against it. (Like plan a walk date in the middle of the week between our activities so we have some time out of the house where we can talk.) We have definitely noticed that the house is our comfort zone, and just getting out of the house for a walk, coffee, dinner or a drive helps us to make more of an effort to ask each other heart felt questions rather than just hang out and “veg” with each other.

If Jeremy and I, two very relational people with the best intentions to connect with each other and draw each other out, who have only been married 7 months and still have a freshness to our marriage (free from years of built up walls that could exist between some couples) can already notice some difficulty in connecting with each other and drawing each other out then I can see why marriage takes work, and why so many marriages fail when the two parties involved no longer put in that work. I have soooo much respect for all of the couples that we know that have persevered through the difficulties and stayed married for 5, 10, 15, 20 or more years (57 for Grandad and Grandma Diggs!). I know that I haven’t even begun to understand the depth of the complications that marriage can hold, especially once children are added to the picture. I’m just thrilled that I have an amazing man, who has a heart to tackle marriage with me while we roll up our sleeves and get our hands dirty putting in the work necessary to not just endure marriage, but to blossom in our union.

One thing that I loved about our wedding ceremony is that our vows weren’t quite the standard traditional version. (see below)

I, Jeremy, take you Shannon, to be my wife, my friend and my life-partner for the rest of our lives. Before God, family and friends I pledge to you my life. I will be faithful to you in sickness and in health, in good and bad times, in times of joy and well as in times of sorrow. I promise to love you as Christ loves His church.

I, Shannon, take you Jeremy, to be my husband, my friend and my life-partner for the rest of our lives. Before God, family and friends I pledge to you my life. I will be faithful to you in sickness and in health, in good and bad times, in times of joy and well as in times of sorrow. I promise to respect you and follow your lead.

Our vows were based off of Ephesians 5:22-33 (below). This shows a man’s need to be respected, and a woman’s need to be loved. One point that Doug made at our wedding was that marriages lacking those needs (love and respect) will not be joyful, they will just be endured. I’m looking forward to many years of respecting my husband, following his lead, and though it’s a bold statement, following God’s will and submitting to my husband in everything. That statement alone is so hard for so many people to stomach today, in the days of women power they seem to think that takes us back in time and looses the “advances” that we’ve made in recent years. I don’t think that God meant just through the 1980’s when he said “submit to your husband’s in everything”. I believe that those words stand for all time, and I should direct my life accordingly. As long as the husband is doing his part and loving his wife as Christ loves the church it makes it a lot easier to submit in everything. When you know and trust that your husband truly has your best interests in mind then it’s easy to follow his lead and submit to him. The challenge may be on the days where your husband doesn’t seem to be loving you quite the way Christ loved the church, then it gets a little harder. These are the days where we as women have the opportunity to show our husbands extra grace and respect by still submitting to them and following their lead. It’s not always easy, in fact I fail miserably sometimes, but fortunately Jeremy knows my heart and desires to show me grace also.

Ephesians 5:22-33 You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.

And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church.

And we are his body. As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

All that said, here’s to my quest for a joyful marriage and not just purely enduring the time that I share with Jeremy. Thank you to all of you for your prayers, encouragement and admonishment along the way. I'm always here to do the same for you in your endeavors.

In love,
Shannon